In the Messy


the shadow illuminates

Being a creator has been one of my gifts since childhood. Attracted to and naturally good at many forms of soul expression, my childhood was predominantly spent with a pencil, a paintbrush, a notebook, a microphone or a musical instrument in my hand. I still play a little guitar, love the hand drums and am currently learning how to play the Native American flute. Creativity is undoubtedly my preferred method of communicating my most intimate thoughts with the world. I have always felt things deeply. Empathy and intuitiveness are also gifts of mine, although I didn’t always perceive them as such. It felt quite burdensome carrying so much deep emotion and insight with in. Art was the most effective and medicinal way to release those emotions and experiences that often felt too heavy to carry throughout my childhood.


I was born in Miami to first generation immigrant parents. Both my mother and my father were very young when they were forced to flee their home in hopes for a better life in America. The experiences that would shape my parents in their early childhood would be filled with shame, unworthiness, conformity, comparison, scarcity, and fear. As  a result, those conditionings would also become very influential in my life.

At a very young age I began to explore and question my gender. I began to express myself differently than what was expected of little girls. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on within me, I didn’t have language for it yet, but I was clear it was causing great concern and upset with my parents. The more I explored my authenticity the more it was shamed and wronged. By the time I was 10, the crippling beliefs of inadequacy and insignificance became deeply rooted into the very core of my emotional foundation.

I spent a lot of my adolescence and my young adulthood questioning my identity, my self worth, and my belonging. Searching for acceptance and love from many people and in many places; peers, families, religion, schools, therapists, romantic interests. The result of most of these experiences was more rejection and validation of my insignificance and inadequacy and those experiences set in motion the darkest moments of my life.


Ironically, the same darkness that had consumed me decades ago would also become my salvation. Like a chrysalis to the butterfly, the darkness became a safe space for introspection, self awareness, healing, transformation, and transition. For the last 15 years mindfulness has been my teacher, Spirit my healer, intuition my guide, and creativity the reclamation of my authentic self expression. Fostering a new relationship with self worth and self love along the way has been life’s greatest gift to me. It has allowed me to get who I am, to own my gifts, and to use those gifts in service to the betterment of our world.

I am grateful for the profound lessons I have learned along my journey, they have undoubtedly shaped my character, my creative expression and how I choose to experience life. I am honored by the opportunity to serve others who cross my path in search of guidance, be it personally or creatively!


Make an empty space in any corner of your mind, and creativity will instantly fill it.

~Dee Hock


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